How I'm Spending My Summer

Ok, so here's the thing, I'm working for a judge now, so I can't tell you all the amazing things that are happening to me...like...well, lets just say that I didn't almost get hit by a chair by someone who wasn't a big fat jabba the hut looking Armo from Iraq who was representing himself, although he has no idea how the logical progression of subjects, nouns and verbs work in the English language, and therefore had to ask the same question in 5 different variations that were still unintelligible, while cross examining his sister who he did not hate and try to kill. But MAN I wish I could tell you all about it.
Instead I'll tell you why I hate to answer my phone...because I get involved in conversations like these...

ring ring.

Andy Calling.

Al: Yo, Andyyyyyyyyyyyy....what's up. You coming over?

Andy: Um...let me think....FUCK NO!

Al: Wow. Okay....um...why not...?

Andy: Dude. I'm tired as hell.

Al: Oh. why.

Andy: BECAUSE, MAN, I WORK UNTIL 7 AND I GO IN AT 5 IN THE MORNING! SHIT! I seriously have to go to bed like right NOW so I can wake up at like FOUR AY EM!

Al: then why the hell are you calling me? Just to tell me you're too tired to talk? I haven't talked to you in like 3 weeks, what the hell kind of call is this?????

Andy: Whatever, dude. I'm tired. I just wanted to say hi.

Al: oh yeah, well why don't you go ahead and do that so I CAN GO TO BED.

Andy: FUCK. FINE. HI.

Al: HI.

Andy: BYE.

Al: BYE.

click.


Or this one...

ring ring.

Beth Calling.

Al: Bethskaya!!!

Beth: Whatever, bitch. I can't believe you let your phone ring 3 times while you were staring at my name trying to decide whether to answer it or not.

Al: Um..no I wasn---

Beth: HAHAHAHAH! JUST KIDDING, HOOKER!!! WHAT'S UUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPP??????? What the FUCK is going on??? I MISS YOUR ASS!!! Where have you BEEN!?!?

Al: Well...you mean since last week? oh, I went to Vegas this---

Beth: WHATEVER, listen, want to go to the movies?

Al: ooh, yeah, wanna go see Mr. and Mrs. Smith?

Beth: YES. THAT MOVIE IS HOT. Figure out when it's playing, and lets go. call me back RIGHT AWAY.

Al: okay.

Beth: Click.

-------------------

Beth: hi.

Al: Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Smith is playing at 9:55. You wanna come here or you want me to pick you up?

Beth: yeaaaaaaaahhhhhh....uhhhhhhh.......I just turned on the tv, and "Dance with the Stars" is on until 10. I didn't know it was on that long tonight so........

Al: So you don't want to go to the movie that you invited me to and made me look up the time for.

Beth: no........

Al: Okay, fine.

Beth: sorrrryyyyy, Allllllll.......

Al: whatever, I'm tired anyway. I'm going to bed. Late.

Beth: byeeeeeeeee.....

Al: click.