My New Best Friend

I have a neighbor. I don't know his name, I don't know what he does, I don't even know which apartment he lives in, even though there are only 5 apartments in my entire complex. And I'm sure I'll never speak to him again. But I love him. I love him like I've never loved any man before. Just the though of his existence makes me feel so warm and happy inside. If I was the Queen, I would knight him. He'd be Sir Dartagnion Best Man In The World, Who's Actually Pretty Cute Too, but I Think His Live-In Girlfriend Would Kill Me If She Heard Me Saying That Because She Looks Really Mean, De Santa Montegue. I didn't think much of his existence at all prior to five minutes ago, to be honest. But now...he flummoxes me. What ever did he do to procure so much gushing adoration, you ask? Well...as he came to check his mailbox, stationed approx. a foot outside of my open door--a task which he's successuflly accomplished ever day without incident for the past 9 months--he turned to me and asked "what are you studying?" while rifling through his pennysaver, gas bill, and other various and sundry items...I took a deep breath, tore myself from the beauty that are the section 162 Buisness Deductions, and muttered..."Federal Income Tax laws." He froze. He chuckled. He looked up..."Are you serious?" "Oh yeaaaaaahhhhh..." I replied. "And tomorrow, I'll be doing Constitutional Individual Rights, followed by a full day of Healthcare Organization law. Hot. I know." And do you know what this heaven-sent cherub of a man did? He guffawed. Laughed nearly uncontrollably and said "WOW. I'm SO Fucking glad I'm NOT in school! WOW! HA..." and shuffled his flip floped toesmobiles back, I can only assume, to whichever fluffy cloud he spends lounging his beautiful soul on. Siiiiiiiiiigggghhhhhhh.......
I can only hope that one day all of you out there feel the amazing glee and satisfaction that comes with somebody realizing that their life is SO MUCH better than yours, and giving you credit for the shithole that yours has become withought either condescending, offering mindless advice, or suddenly turning into Mr. Drummond, telling you to "Just stick with it, Champ" as if that actually means something. I love him. And I will never forget our 30 seconds together. It was sooooooooo beautiful.