Confessions

Dear Ray,

I'm sorry that I threw my coffe at you this morning when you told me I looked cute. I just didn't feel like being "cute" so when you told me that, I felt the need to retaliate. I know you were just being nice, and I'm sorry I made you cry.

I'm also sorry that I called your boyfriend a homo-erotic sexually frustrated yoga nazi. I just don't like the way his face looks, or the way his voice sounds. But I guess since I'm not the one in love with him, I could've kept that to myself. And I'm sorry that made you cry again.

I'm also sorry that Papadikulous and I offended the two douchebag--I mean, your friends at the restraunt by saying the F word too many times and too loud during dinner. We were just really excited that non-dairy-cashew-faux-cheese-spread could actually taste anything unlike bile. I'm really glad you didn't cry that time.

Please except my sincerest apologies. Lets stay friends. Pleeeeeeeeease......

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Dear Douchebag Joe,

I'm sorry for calling you Douchebag Joe in front of your mom. Really. I am. I had no idea that was her.

I'm also sorry for asking to bum a cigarette and then throwing it at you after I realized it was a menthol. If you put vitamin e oil on the scab, it shouldn't scar. And guys with scars on their faces are hot anyway.

Thanks for your tax outline.

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Dear Fat Chick from Ethics,

You're just a bitch. I'm not sorry for anything, and I just wanted to tell you that you suck. T and I have tried to say hi to you like 95 times and all you do is look at us like we called you the Fat Chick from Ethics to your face. Which we so would never do. Unless you keep being a total bitch. Then we totally will and THEN you'll have a reason to bitch. But we haven't, so you don't. Stop it.