omg...I'm being Punk'd, right...?
Come on...
People do NOT really act like this.
No they don't. I can't believe it, this bitch HAAAAASSSS to be joking...
So, for some reason I decided to study at Starbucks today. Yes, it's Thursday, the Bar is on Tuesday, I need to study, WHATEVER. I can't take the library anymore, my bed is way too comfortable to be in the same room with during these trying times, and I need caffeene, so here I am, rocking it like a hurricaine.
Um...apparently, I never noticed before, but EVERYBODY in Santa Monica is FUGLY as HELL and works in the entertainment industry. But, behind the scenes, because they're too nasty to be in front of the camera. Which, I guess gives people the idea that they can act like J-LO since they're SOOOOO much BETTER than J-LO.
Whatever, here's how it went down.
Me: (on the celly) Aww....thanks ass...I love you too...yeah, I'll be fine, Starbucks is cool, I have my earplugs...
BITCHOLA DUPREE: (audible sigh, grunting noises, clearing her throat)...
Me: um...ahem...whatever...no, nothing...yeah, okay, have a good day, ok?
WHORINA MCFUGLY: (COVERS HER EARS WITH HER HANDS LIKE A 6 YEAR OLD!!!!)
Me: WOW...I didn't realize how loud my voice is over the 15 people, Harry Connick Jr. and cappuccino makers! hahaha...no, it's cool, I have to go anyway...love you...
SUPER BITCH: UGGGHHH...(turns her back to me)
Me: click.
-------------10 minutes later----------------------------
After Fugly McBitcherson's friend meet her at the table next to me and they have a fucking 15 minute buisness meeting about how to cut producers fees out of a movie, while constantly checking to see if I'm listening LIKE I GIVE A SHIT..turns to me and says:
EXCUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME....
Me: (I just look at her)
F McB: Can I unplug your computer?
Me: No.
F McB: But I need to charge mine and you've been charging yours for like an hour. I'm sure you can go for a few minutes without the cord.
Me: I need it plugged in.
F McB: (GETS UP AND LOOKS AT MY FUCKING SCREEN!!!!!) You're playing solitaire.
Me: (X out the screen, revealing three split screen outlines on display) Actually, I'm studying for the BAR.
F McB: (noticing the flashcards, outlines, file folders, highlighters, pens, nail clippings, razor blades, mirrors, and thin layer of white substance covering my computer screen...) Oh.
---sits down, FIVE FEET AWAY FROM ME----
F McB: I guess she's in college. Taking some test or something...isn't school out for the summer...? Come on, lets go...
End Scene.
In retrospect,and on paper, it doesn't sound that horrible. But in real life, I almost put a screwdriver through her eyeball.
And that would be then intentional torts assault and battery.
People do NOT really act like this.
No they don't. I can't believe it, this bitch HAAAAASSSS to be joking...
So, for some reason I decided to study at Starbucks today. Yes, it's Thursday, the Bar is on Tuesday, I need to study, WHATEVER. I can't take the library anymore, my bed is way too comfortable to be in the same room with during these trying times, and I need caffeene, so here I am, rocking it like a hurricaine.
Um...apparently, I never noticed before, but EVERYBODY in Santa Monica is FUGLY as HELL and works in the entertainment industry. But, behind the scenes, because they're too nasty to be in front of the camera. Which, I guess gives people the idea that they can act like J-LO since they're SOOOOO much BETTER than J-LO.
Whatever, here's how it went down.
Me: (on the celly) Aww....thanks ass...I love you too...yeah, I'll be fine, Starbucks is cool, I have my earplugs...
BITCHOLA DUPREE: (audible sigh, grunting noises, clearing her throat)...
Me: um...ahem...whatever...no, nothing...yeah, okay, have a good day, ok?
WHORINA MCFUGLY: (COVERS HER EARS WITH HER HANDS LIKE A 6 YEAR OLD!!!!)
Me: WOW...I didn't realize how loud my voice is over the 15 people, Harry Connick Jr. and cappuccino makers! hahaha...no, it's cool, I have to go anyway...love you...
SUPER BITCH: UGGGHHH...(turns her back to me)
Me: click.
-------------10 minutes later----------------------------
After Fugly McBitcherson's friend meet her at the table next to me and they have a fucking 15 minute buisness meeting about how to cut producers fees out of a movie, while constantly checking to see if I'm listening LIKE I GIVE A SHIT..turns to me and says:
EXCUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME....
Me: (I just look at her)
F McB: Can I unplug your computer?
Me: No.
F McB: But I need to charge mine and you've been charging yours for like an hour. I'm sure you can go for a few minutes without the cord.
Me: I need it plugged in.
F McB: (GETS UP AND LOOKS AT MY FUCKING SCREEN!!!!!) You're playing solitaire.
Me: (X out the screen, revealing three split screen outlines on display) Actually, I'm studying for the BAR.
F McB: (noticing the flashcards, outlines, file folders, highlighters, pens, nail clippings, razor blades, mirrors, and thin layer of white substance covering my computer screen...) Oh.
---sits down, FIVE FEET AWAY FROM ME----
F McB: I guess she's in college. Taking some test or something...isn't school out for the summer...? Come on, lets go...
End Scene.
In retrospect,and on paper, it doesn't sound that horrible. But in real life, I almost put a screwdriver through her eyeball.
And that would be then intentional torts assault and battery.
posted by AK at
12:50 PM
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