You might want to sit down...

...hi...um...I have to tell you something...and....sigh.....it's going to be hard...so I'm just going to come out and say it...

I have a boyfriend. I've been with him for a couple months now. I know I should've said something, but I just...the timing was just never right. But I realize now that you're still there, hanging on, and...well...I'm just not the same me anymore, and I think...well...I think the time for "us" has passed. What we had was beautiful, it really was, but...well...we thrived on my misfortunes, my self loathing, and my cigarette smoke-clouded reasoning, and...well...that's all passed now. I don't even smoke anymore! I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that...I'm happy. And what we have here...it isn't a "happy" relationship. So...well, I'm sure you've already realized it, but...well...I'm going to be around a lot less in the future. Maybe we'll meet again at some later point in our lives...like when I grow jaded and eventually despise my new job and want all of my clients to die of heroin withdrawls...but that time just isn't now. I mean, I'm sure that after a few months of inmates asking me out on dates to the places where they worked right before they were arrested for residential burglery at knifepoint IN THE CITY WHERE I LIVE, maybe then I'll have something to complain about once again. well...wait...actually, I guess I could tell you about the prick of a waiter we had yesterday who, after a wonderful meal of Slime-Fish Suprise in an off-color lemon(esque)-soggy-caper sauce, when I asked if they had any desserts with bananas, literally SCOFFED in my FACE and mused that I'd "just have to pick that up somewhere on my way home. ha ha." right before he sauntered off, probably with MY BANANA UP HIS A---ahem...sorry...where was I...? Oh, right...you know what, fuck it, nevermind. I'll be around.