waaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy TMI

This one's for all the PD's out there...(cue soft baseline)

So, ever start off a custody interview like this:

"Ok, so the cops say you walked out of your hotel room, didn't know they were there, walked towards them, they saw a gun sticking out of your waistband, you looked up, saw them, turned around, went straight back into your room, and then they arrested you." ?

And before you can even finish "so tell me what REALLY happ--" they explode with "THAT'S A FUCKING LIE!!!!!!!!!" or "ES UNA PINCHE MENTIR!!!!!!!"

And, have you ever felt so great, and validated at that moment, that you get completely carried away with the interview--like, I mean, take WAY too long, and get WAY too many details, and, completely disregard the "bad" facts as totally explainable, for, I don't know...like...an hour...?

And, then, you explode out of custody with a kick in your step, slamming the door behind you completely disregarding the "CLOSE DOOR SLOWLY WHEN COURT IS IN SESSION SIGN" becuase you are about to ROYALLY FUCK some dirty, dirty, stinking dirty cops who think they can push your client around just because he's poor, and you kind of want to take it out on the baliff a little bit by breaking a meaningless rule here and there, even though he has next to nothing to do with it.

And have you ever then been a little distracted for the next couple of minutes, visualizing all of the great impeachment evidence you're going to get from regular old basic discovery like MDT's, and replaying the AMAZING cross you're going to do in the trial---wait, screw that, the 1538 when you get the whole thing dismissed?

And then, while you're waiting for voire dire to be done so you can arrain this guy on this AMAZING case, so you can get his clock started and actually make this case a real deal, cop-fucking case, your colleage asks why you're so happy?

And have you ever had to hyperventalate a little just to catch your breath, because, in your head you're in the middle of accepting your "young PD of the year award" at the ceremony you didn't know they had, but they do, and it's for you this year.

And, so, you skim back down to the surface of reality for a second, just to rush through the facts, starting with the cops being HUGE LIARS, and ending with you proving it and winning everything.

...only to be brought crashing back down to earth when you hear your esteemed colleage from the Great Office of Real Windows say:

"...WAIT.
"so you're telling me...that your foolproof defense...is: I didn't have the gun, because I was inside the hotel room with a FRIEND WHO'S NAME I DON'T KNOW, WITH A PROSTITUTE we just picked up, the gun was HERS, and my prints are only on it because I WAS GOING TO BUY IT FROM HER, but I HADN'T YET...????? OH YEAH, THE JURY'S GONNA EAT THAT SHIT UP! HE'S WAY SAFE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!"

sigh...yeah....me too. I hate it when that happens.